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NOVEMBER 3, 1927 PRICE 15 CENTS

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TREE ee SD ee

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Still |

Nothing has so stirred the motoring public in years
as the Chrysler Hi high-compression en-
gine. Through it the immense vitality and brilli-
ance in speed, acceleration and hill climbing

of Chrysler have been accentuated.

Now, for the first time, the virtues and values
of high-compression are available in fullest
measure, to Chrysler owners, new and
old alike. The ‘ is standard
on the roadsters of the “52,” “62” and
*72,”’ and on the Sport Roadster of the
Imperial “80.” It is available at small
extra cost for all other body models
of these lines, and may be ap-
plied as well, to earlier Chryslers
now in the hands of owners.

—

JE FL Yee SN
>

PITRWa
LOLI AGL GU

High Compression Power

~
—_—_-
—_—_—

~ IMPERIAL 8O

The Good Things in Life ....

Among them—and well t
front of the list s

Grebe Natural Speaker $35

Grebe Soapet Power for
‘B” and “C” power $
supply {less tube} 50

Grebe Synchrophase Seven $y 2
>)

Grebe Synchrophase Five $95

di set

A Grebe dy nchrophase Seve
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It is reliable. This is because it

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The workmanship is
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j

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anportene f in combination witl
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lay anel, ex juisitel y wrought
Hear a Grebe. Not unti ‘

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Send for Booklet L; then
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in your home, that you car
“get it better with a Grebe

A. H. Grebe © Co., Inc
109 West 57th Street, N. Y. ¢
Western Branch: 443 §. San Ped »
Los Angeles, Calif
Factory: Richmond Hill, N. ¥
Makers of quality radio
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erior

ReEB)

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nom

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For information and literature, write, phone or call your nearest
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Bank Bldg. Houston: So Pacific Bldg. Los Angeles: Paci-
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lished Weekly by Life Pub. Co., 598 Madison Ave., N. Y, Y.
t of March 3, 1379. Printed in U.S. A. Ent io ae lass

Matter at the Post Office Dept. Canada, Copyright

Sut seription, $5.00. Vol. 90, No. 2348 Nov. 3, 1927

The Phrase-Makers

YHOUGH he brings tears of an-
guish to my eyes,
And makes me wish he rested a
‘neath the clover,
| I do not crown the coot who coyly
cries: ,

“You must come over!”

And though with rage he makes me
leap and dance
And burst out into grim and
gloomy song now,
I wreak no vengeance on the chump

who chants, )

“It won't be long now!

Yet patience has its end, like other
things
In Charon’s craft a humid, hot

and muggy rid

"
Is what I wish the sap who sweetly
sings,
‘Thanks for the buggy rid

D’ In nuns

io Cohen.

Another Chicago Crime
world! \ reader
Tribune: “A few
to pun

this wicked
writes to the Chicago
found it
dauchter
Yesterday
used it in a

| On,

ago I
my little
a | ully.’
critic

d vs necess
for
your moving
re

ary
using the word
picture
iew.”

| —Kansas City Star.

Phoenix ettret

» ouglas

NOGALES

T tT Ss j x h “a
ha wo hours, ov h XN Ss I
rizor : Lot f
her Hot s } g and
Mex N pe j
i time Nog 'y f

INOGALES WONDERLAND CLUB, Inc.,
Nogales, Arizona.
Please send free booklet (104)
‘Name
\oMddress

Ent'd as 2nd Cl
1927, Life Pub. Co., in

anh

essiOr

Life

selection is complete.
as received and shipped at once.

will not be reprinted. Buy now, while the
Orders will be filled

MUST empty my warehouse shelves, in preparation for a new series of
better, larger, more beautiful books at a higher price.

Little Blue Books

é° [hao .

re
40 Brightly Colored Tales of Pas $80 Polar Exploration and Ad 196

Passion Stories of Many Hues 602 My
e Letters of a Parisiatr mid
Actress 698 Tales of Chicago Streets 2093
cit Love, ete. Boccacs Hecht

€ re
steries of Egypt's Pyra- 208
;

each
(Postage
prepaid

Ghosts

Jokes

Entertainment

I Will Pay the Postag
to clear out the last of the little Blue Books at
673 Tales of Love and Life. Boc- 770 Adventure f Kit
cact Her
676 More e Letters of Parisian 795 Gunga é ve
A eRs h “
707 Epig s of Love, Life 79720 Yeas A g Af
746 Daughter of Eve Frank 927 St scillus, et H
f Mass Product Harris Wells
ality Prod he 817 Her Burning Secret. Val- 939 Poe ‘ f Imag
howing this t | the dagne Science
i { transporta ‘ 892 | es | ¢ Fre h 944 Mas ece f Ad
to adition of the 929 French Love Ma Sten- 945 Tales of Oriental Lif
g mn t factorie dhal 946 Tales of Desert Place
e world 987 Art of ¥ g 956 Italia es
words 1045 A Mad Sweetheart. Belza Revenge
g Y: 1039 Cor ense of Sex. James 1001 Italia sdit 7
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t f sa g Hecht 1053 G le t N : St
sality. We are willing t 1174 A Mad Love. Frank Ha Sections
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led it . ‘ t Chekhov Shetmhe
sndards 1195 First Tove and Other Stories 1168 Ad
style 1292 Forbidden Love. Ba Palr Londot
n. be ere 1244 How Write I e Letters 1169 Tale f &s
t exclusive 1247 Pevcholoey of Love and Fate Londot
Ret sgaising cold fact we 1249 Best Jokes About Lovers 1201 Desert Is \
ede tute ist Wyss
Ve shal! Murder .
| close ek a eg Better English
= por Man. Hye 86 Dictionary of Americar
‘ we sus 1) J nad Me vde Common —_ * -
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K 1 books rut mot to sel! Redauns oe acer ° oo tho -
t 5 cents per coy Wes 46 W “ eM ler. Osca 367 aon aah e'
- Rag on ayy e lat! 66 Cr ‘ f the Borgias Du 437 How ¢ Write ,
books caref se ecte 7 : . ~— , ‘ arlJs
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ee peg Be rige ( t 639 Most Esse Eng
' very. 149 H ( and < W
1 ea Is 681 Spx g Self r
~ Se . 162 M le Re Morrve Poe 682 (ira ar Self Taug
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- hb Cr 696 How i e |
: A help | 524 Death, Catalepsy, « I Name
ad edie plained 697 Words Often Misp
ating read 558 Great Pirates and Their 708 The R ance of W
Deeds 734 Handbook of Usefw'l I
a ae le meee 819 Strange Murders. C.J. 1 821 How to Im ¥
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von: es * 824 To ada: Spa I 822 f t Self
a> al aes Ghoake all tines . 823 « ro ait Self
r ~ . . 883 Capital Punishment Clar- 855 How to Write Letts
© DOOK ence Darrow 992 Foreign Words I
1019 Blveheard ar Unhappy 986 How to Talk and De
Wives
1042 Crime at Red Inr Ra i
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e towr ‘ P
1086 My Favorite Murder. Ar 01 Mankond: Fe ta
rose Bierce -
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t 3,000,000 Books $36 What Women Past 4
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655 W \ ¢ ¥
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657 W {a w
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689 WV : ~ I
690 M Se Life. }
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692 H wexual J Fic
717M lern Se M 4
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726 Venereal Diseases. D
800 S« Ps t Ana
W ood
804 Fre Sleep a 5
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812 Here }
Fentor
B46 W ct I
903 AIlA S ;
—_ 904 Sex &
File g
950 Det nation of S«
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1250 Judee Lindse
nate Marriage

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1148 Sex es a A
1189 How to Make M
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Buy your last supply of Little Blue Books during this sale.

will not be reprinted. Send only 5c per book—we pay postage.

aa
They
Dept. X-132

How to Order

Haldeman-Julius Publications

Girard, Kansas

c2is

Lp y

hes v4
fd

Th ERE are more millionaires on Park
Avenue, New York

Than any other thoroughfare or section
in the world

That’s what the Income Tax men say.

Go there some morning or evening and
note the men who go into thé $45,000 a
year apartments

And you’ll see a Starched Collar crowd.

Or look at the

Aristocrats of Manhattan taking their
ease in the big chairs at the windows of the
Avenue Clubs—

All Starched Collars.

And look again at the men in the execu-
tive offices of the big banks—

Starched Collars again—

And Arrows at that.

So it only takes a few cents

To dress like a man that counts.

ARROW
COLLARS

Conditions in Hollywood
According to the Public Prints
THE motion picture industry has

never been in healthier conditio:
and prospects are excellent except
for the fact that all the large pro
ducing companies are on the verg
of bankruptcy. A meeting of pic
ture people proved conclusively last
night that perfect harmony prevails
throughout the entire industry. The
meeting terminated in a riot which
ended only with the arrival of Police
Rese rves. Every one in Holly wood
is busy and prosperous with the ex
ception of sixty thousand people who
are starving to death. Wall Street
reports that never before hav
motion picture stocks attained their
present high level and Stupendous
Pictures Corporation stock dropped
from 109 to 2%, in less than an hour
All the big studios are working night
and day to complete their next vear’s
programs. ‘There will be no motion
picture production in Hollywood for
the next year because the studios ar
closing to save operating costs.

Robert Lord.

H E (at football qame): Your ¢ ves

are wells of mystery. Your
Sue: Hold that line

Ir is undoubtedly true that its in-
gratiating service and superlative
cuisine are responsible in large
measure for the popularity of THE
ROOSEVELT among discerning
folk.

It is equally true that THE
ROOSEVELT dispenses such hos-
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excessive cost.

1100 Rooms — Single or En Suite

BEN BERNIE
and his Roosevelt Orchestra

Write for a complimentary copy of
Rooseveltiana , containing interest-

ing anecdotes im story and picture,

from the life of the great American

The
ROOSEVELT

Madison Avenue at 45th Street
NEW YORK

EDWARD CLINTON FoGG
M anaging Director

Life
The revolver is an effective instrument in the promotion of law and order. It is an
invaluable factor in the conservation of life and property and creates a cling of security

, '
oe '

Protection for those who go ... protection Wesson—in which accidental discharge by
for those who stay—is it fair to yourself and adult or child is absolutely impossible —can
your loved ones to leave it entirely in the be as readily and expertly handled by a woman
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2 bid pu 4
How few among us are immune, 2,,4 {Awe would rather attack an unarmed pe- With its possession comes a tran-
upon being left alone in isolated 77. )°") init the manufacture ond eale of we. QUil feeling of satisfaction. The
places, to an inward feeling of (2juttient: ‘prokib fing the manufacture ana feeling that, while the chances are
dread? Fearful, apprehensive vceidenta, chapeticanaaeten ; you will not be molested, the cer-
thoughts, too, for the one who has ~aled reap min " m tt x i rim tainty is that you are at least pre-
departed on a journey which may = 5'"1" °/ Protation or suspended sentence. pared for very vigorous self-pro-
take him, alone, to unprotected QU yPreper means Jor reauena crime tection in the event of frightful
and dangerous places before he 7 ishisythe people te hacen At ayes need.
returns. het Gaasiee aap anédeeed af te hich od

Gown Yoda neneratine ‘nat snave peen handed Somewhere, every day, the things
A revolver of the modern super- (Company. J" times af eee eee ting te are happening which go into the
safety type made by Smith & cnabied ‘us to protect the tniteuune et! newspapers the next day.

Our Descriptive Booklet S may interest you—it will be sent free up«
SPRINGFIELD, MASS., U. S.A.

THE: REVOLVE BR MANU FACT U BE BR

REAPING

A man may spend a lifetime in thought and experi-
mentation. But not until he sends out to the world
the results of his experience, is that accumulation of
any service to humanity. The Mimeograph is helping
thousands to reap harvests of a lifetime. A modern-day
requisite in commercial and educational life, with its
remarkable ability to accurately reproduce letters,
/ announcements, forms, maps, drawings, etc., it is one
of America’s most successful contributions to the world
' of useful things. It reaps enormous results with enor- |
mous saving. Vastly large its products; vastly small its
cost. A. B. Dick Company, Chicago, will be glad to send
you a free booklet explaining this small wonder-worker.

BRANCHES IN THE FOLLOWING CITIES
New York, Chicago, Boston, Philadelphia, Washington, Pittsburgh,
Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Detroit, Milwaukee, Minneapolis,
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MIMEOGRAPH

€ 4 f
‘ : ( > ; ; :
LY B+ 4 it Oo 4
= mn =e
o 1 . =
, EE a; & &
i = 3 = | =
hi = =
|
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\ j
Yr Wed }
— { \
Send Ceaeeeet *
|)
ajo She ‘‘Made’’ the Team
w
A Movie Director Discovers Roget’s Thesaurus
is OUT!” eries the director. astounded! You are startled you staggered! You are throw ir
“Knit the brows! Frown! are dazzled—you are dazed! You beam end! The other end! Now
Seow]! Snarl! Growl! Gnarl! are dumfounded! You are electri- again! It turns vour head! It strike
a little more gnarling, Miss Del fied! You are stunned! You ar you dumb! It ike ir tongue
\mour: ho-o-old it!—Snap! Redden! stupefied! You are petrified! You cleave to the roof of ir t]
Color! Well, try to! Look black! are confounded! You are bewil Hold that cleave You are aghast
Look daggers!!! Bite the thumb dered! You are flabbergasted—not You are breat! Ye ire opel
Show the teeth—! Grind the teeth—! too much flabbergastion you are mouthed—-show r dimple Yo
loo bad, that ‘bite the thumb’ won’t ire awe-struck You are thunder
go in Pennsylvania. : struck You ar nst k
“All right, Miss Del Amour! planetstruck spellbound! Yo r
You've just learned that Boris is lo-o-ost in amaze { Yo re
secretly your husband. You won- lo-o-ost in astonishment! You ar
ler—you marvel—you admire! You struck all of a heap Chat's
ire surprised! You start — you wonderful —marvelous — miraculous
tare! You open your eyes! You rub colossal— overwhelming — beggar
our eyes! You turn up vour eyes! ing description—CUT!
You gloar! Ah! Gloar again. You YF. Teedicin.
gape—enough, enough! You
ire all agog ! You look .
blank - pe-erfect ! — You Typical
cannot believe your eyes! > ( )™! COMMUTER
You cannot believe your ’ reading paper): Well
ears! You cannot believe well, what do vou know! |
your senses! You cannot | says here that Jack
iccount for it! You don’t | “Gene Cartilage, th
know whether you are stand } 9 ‘% heavyweight pior W
ing on your head or your *” ad married last night
heels — no, stay on your te te Rapip Figut Fan: May
heels!—You are astonished Gladys: po you KNOW THE FOURTH COMMANDMENT? be—but I'll bet the wedding
—you are amazed—you are Beth: HUMOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER, ISN’T IT? was “fixed

The Flagpole Sitter’s Manager:
BILL!

ING

riits

MAS

St
\)

{

a yy

J, NORMAN LYND.

HEY,

THE MAYOR OF THIS BURG IS GO

rO BE BURIED AT THREE O'CLOCK
AFTERNOON yo GOTTA HALI
YOURSELF DURING THE FUNERAL.

From the Rumanian

(THE little king was trundling his

scooter about a patch in the
Royal Gardens

He llo, Mickey 2
der-hedgeclipper

“Here! Here!”

king’s equerry.

greeted an un

stormed thre
“You will pleas
to refer to our gracious
as ‘Your Majesty!

sovereign

“Like fun I will,” an
swered the hedgeclippe r. =

“Why, I’ve known that kid
Mihai to a
H.W.H

since he

duck !”

was

Force of Habit
TEW ROOMER

I want

= to report a robbery

Last night a fellow came

into my room, turned \

the place upside down, bor
ransacked it, abused me ites y
ind took thirty-seven dol- ; "

lars away from me.
LaNpLorp: You mustn’t

mind that; it was only the

customs on

inspector the
floor above you who WwW ilks |

The Dentist Becomes
Slightly Confused
gos

see that the fellow

‘\

Patagonia is open wider please and

one of my patients gets it for me by

the case genuine pre-war ibscessed
condition of the gums so when
Coolidge refused to run again |
don't think this will hurt you muc!l
but the Cadillac is a darn good car
and you can always trade it in for
a removable bridge between thos«
two teeth I knew all the time sh

was married open wide r please ina

the movies are getting so te rrible that

I never go any more this oughtn't t
hurt very much when the Irishma

saw the Englishman speaking to the
girl about the middle of next
I'll send you the bill for the balan

we tuned in and got Cuba just as
had local sta

tion and some orchestra was pl iving

mont

clear as if it been a
that wisdom tooth is impacted let's
I’ve changed m
that slice b
to block the ne

Robert Lord.

vank it out because

stance and corrected

using Novocain rve

BOSTONIAN SHE: Let’s d
something exciting

All right. Let

He:

BosTONIAN

re id a book.

in his sleep.
|
7 , .
(oA H: Win this game
in a business like }
manner to-day, men eee!
there’s a scout from a big
New York bond house in The Driver: LEND ME YOUR CIGARETT!
the stands LIGHTER A MOMENT—I VE RUN OUT OF GAS

who tried to fly trom Siam to

“Lovers, Loiterers, Etc.”
or
Take That, Miss Oelrichs!

The reading time of this article,
in case you're interested, is 4 hours,
18 minutes, 32 seconds, which is
equal to the time you will save by

not re ading this article.

Wars the matter with Amer
ican Men?
What is the matter with American
Men?
What, indeed?
This question was recently raised,
in Liberty, by Miss Marjorie Oecel
richs. Her article presente d a soul

stirring struggle between two ti Pilot: ury! THE WING’s BUSTED! OPEN youR PAI HUTS
tanic forces—the Man of the Old Passenger: B-B-BUT 1 DON’T KNOW HOW TO OPEN 11
World vs. the Man of the New Pilot: ALL RIGHT—1I’LL JUMP FIRST. YOU WATCH AND SEE HOW I DO I
World in which the score at the
end of the last period seemed to be Surely, surely, fellow Americans, Come, come. my brethrer (re we
ibout 81 to O in favor of the Old we must not stand here idly twirl to allow this stat t to go wi
World. I am left, after reading it, ing our thumbs, while this fair tested?
torn and bleeding, every bone in my Flower of the New World (our New
body broken, every atom of my con World!) slings this mud of insults ] OVERS, hul ] rs And ir
ceit crushed, eve ry spark of my pride in our very taces “ vel newspapers scre ng t
extinguished—th« pathe tic remains is every da\ ind especi yons
of my former magnificent self. QOMETHING must be done about lay such br lliant re rds of
he glory that was Rome.” Ah, *” it! Off with our coats ind Native Lovers as S sS]
es! I, too, have been on the Conti vests, too ind let’s show these wit \x Strangles Sweetie
nent greasy foreigners what stuff we Mate with Picture Wir r
But, summoning my scattéred en Yankees are made of! Hubby Traps Bride’s Boy-friend
ergy as best I can. I am pre pared to | ipprove of them is lovers | e Nest Can Euro boast
raise the cudgel by the way, where loiterers, dancing partners ind inv Lovers like th Name t
can I get a nice new, shiny cudgel? sportsmen and because they are wit! the foreign lover w has chopped
in defense of America’s Manhood. out imbition, announces Miss the object of s affection into litt
Oelrichs, referring to European met 5 1 the ‘ wist ind }
care, has wrapped each ]
parately and, tears sti ng dow
I rugged t hrow1! par
nto swamps and st fled
araim pipes Show e the f rh
er who, wit! g g !
rtitude, has ted rival
vit] hweig I 1
J OITERERS Ho, | Don’t mak
4 me laugh Why. I « 1 na
I loz pro nent ger l
] n, 4 r I t
tocratic class, for I do not know
other kind Paragraph No
Miss Oelrichs’ articl i
g le eae “ < 1, ia
tow the hes = Ree
s to ter Let | }
r any of those far lands
r here the best a I loit
t t I d n r rea
nd let try t pete with a
f r hor t t He'd t

TRYING IT ON THE DOG, loitered Please turt page 37

Mart.

Mental Hazards

THE ROUGH,

Two Inspirational Writers Have a
Little Chat

“| ELLO, fellow human being. How are you?”
“Well, I'm not so good just now. But the sun

is sure to break through the clouds before long

“Ah, you hav
stumbled upon a
truth
The reisanoppor

great

tunity for every

man and woman
in this country.’
“Yes, and the
slums ire i bad
environment.’

“Yes, and war

is bad for the

race and should

be abolished
Spark: DON’T sTEP ON THAT INSECT. “And a prize

fight is but a test
of brutestrength,
ifter all.”

developed brain is what

Pluq: wuy nor?

“IT MIGHT BE THE NEW FORD CAR.”
“That’s correct. A hi
distinguishes man from the apes.’
“Yes, and Prohibition would be
can't be We all
the birds and animals.”

Yes, and from the

ghis

but it

from

a good thing:

enforced. can learn something

fish too Let's a drink

Scott

get
W.H

MOTHe

WHERE DOES A MOTH PUT IT ALI

SUST EEIWEEN US GIRL |

“MY a ir, he's been CALI yme uj li beSEECH
. ing me to go OUT with him but I HON !
think I OUGHT to because ] thn
FRIGHTfully FAST and |! in HEAPS
simply LOATHE him because I mean thev sa
SIMply VILE but | bet vo AN Ything thev are prol
just JEALous of him because he’s so awfu good
LOOKing and all—vou know the typ But I r
think it's AWfully sort of ODD that he sort
igNORES prac ticably EV'ry girl in TOWN YES
my dear, it's the FUNniest THING ] WHY
should he just sort of CONsecrat: ME when ther
ire HEAPS of TERribly attractive girls round
who would prob'ly go OUT with hi 1 MINute
he asked them because, 1 dear, | KNOW
Svlvia EARL is MAD about him and s
certainly NEVer bee verv parll
ibout who she lets BEAU her aROUND
do vou know what | meat But I bet
ANYthing the whole REAson that ¢
the rep for being terribly FAST and all
because he's been sort of SNOOTY to a
of girls like SYLvia who r buncl
HELL-cats and SCANdal mongrels
cause, ANYways, | KNOW SYI i
been MAD about him for ages and he's
NEVer given her a TUMble: so she’s just
turned iGAINS' him, rt of whicl s
exactly ] Ik} her, m\ ae ir. d \NYwavs.
I HONestly think the ON wav t rt
of form an oPINion of anvbod s to sort
of JUDGE them for vourSELI stead of
b’LIEVing what a lot of poisonous GOS
Sips say VGGAINST ther | meat | \¢
tually DO! I Va

One Hundred Per Cent Plus

Je ROM the hall where salesmen 8s ¢
vention was being held came roar
roar of applaus«

What's all the noise about?” asked
policeman of a man who had just stepped
out

~~ They've been making speeches,’ replied
B tat the latter, ind somebody just introduced
- the man who sold Mussolini a book on how

to self confidence

ad quire

Bride's Fathe pe

PROGRAM IS COMING TO YOt

1po. AND NOW,

THROUGH

FATHER OF rH! LOVELY BRIDI AND
AND WINCH CORP., MANUFACTURERS
MILADY DAINTY BUSHINGS, AT ALI

FOLKS,
rHE COURTESY OF

PRESIDENT OF rit

HARDWARE

Minister: WHO GIVETH THIS WOMAN...?

Lr \
f
4
y
oad
yY ‘t
el
a | > x
, j on
oF,
SNe (
ome
x
a2
pe ‘3 \ “ 2
\ L. -2
\ \ |
\ pt
— inf.
L/h }
~ ae
j TT win
//| &
r |
<—
YY
I WISH TO REMIND YOU THAT TO DAY'S

WALTER Q. BLUBBLAH,

BLUBBLAH BUSHING

rHE LITTLE WONDER WINCHES AND

SHOPS OF THE BETTER SORT.

Such Language!

AS the truck came to a sudden
= stop a natty little roadster be
hind it, in spite of a violent appli

cation of brakes, ended up with its
front bumper giving the rear end of

the truck ever so slight a jolt

“Well, blankety-blank blank it!
Don’tcha know how to drive, ya so
and-so? What's the big idea, huh?”

I put my hands over my ears, but
t did no good.
“Who in the this-and-that

you a license, ya filthy something-or

gave
other? For two cents I'd
What crass vulgarity, I thought,

now slightly irritated Is it any

wonder that such people stay in the

same old rut? Imagine one of my

profession using profanity like that!

Xx—x—x *** |__ 1” still the
din kept up. Finally I lost what
scant patience I still retained.

Miss,”

nity is |

I said with as much dig-
“I'm
I had to stop so suddenly, but I
to run over that three-
dashed

Now go along to

could muster, sorry
had no desire

vear-old youngster who

across the street.
vour tea or vour bridge party—your
car isn’t damaged, and as I said be
tore,

And with that I climbed into my

truck and drove away.

I'm verv. verv sorry.”

Parke Cumminas.

Novel-Reader Bares
Pogrom Plans

You Lt find me

hair

tearing out the

And salting down the pelts
Of authors who say
Instead of

“othe rwhere”’
‘somewhere else.”
I'll fracture every slat of him,

I’ll mash him like
The

a rat,

scribe who writes thre h it of
him”

Instead of just “his hat

To Hades I consign the crew

( May Satan kee p it hot there

Of writers who employ “won
through,
When all they mean is vot

there.”

And, last, I'll mix a flock of drinks

And stick some lethal herbs in
them
For ev'ry fanniehurst who shrinks
From sentences with verbs in
them!
A. M. S., Jr.

At the Sign Painters’
Union

“I'M going to report Jake and Ed
die to the

going to have them suspended

committee, I am. I'm

“What they been doing now

“Me and Tom was painting a sign

had a bi watching

pretty looked

around and the crowd had gone.”
Where'd it go?”

“They all went to watch Jake and
Eddie
block os

“So you're jealous, eh?”

“It was a dirty trick to take our
from us

and we crowd

us, and soon we

paint a sign in the next

crowd away

Take vour crowd away from you!
How in blazes can blame them
for that?”

They misspelled a word on pur-

you

pose so as to get the crowd to watch
them
“They ought to be lynched!”

Bill Syke x

Titles in Moviedom
\ THEN think of Mae Mur-
ray you think of a tall prince.
When you think of Gloria Swan
son vou think of a tall marquis
When you think of Este lle Taylor

vou think of a long coun’

you

An Ad. Writer Buys a
Garbage Can

A D. MAN: Just a little thing it

£m ij

s, but one which only the for
tunate few may possess and vet it
solves one of the world’s oldest hy
gienic problems in a newer and better
way. Consequently, it will enhance:
my prestige with the neighbors,
make me the center of attraction at
our country club and show the world
that I understand the gentle art of
living. Because it keeps away those
foul minions of disease which pre-
vent health from playing on my side,
it is a great service to humanity, a
boon to the tired housewife I mar-
ried and something which my daugh-
ter should know about. I am look
ing for one in bright, nickel-chrome
tin-plate with extra-heavy detach
ible “Swing-Shut” lid, guaranteed

to keep off prowling animals for Frantic Wife: I've Gor To GET A piIvoRc! ’ VE WIT
three years. Mounted upon a be au ANOTHER WOMAN

tiful Renaissance base made ot Lawyer: AND WHO, MAY I ASK Is THE OTHER WON \

choicest woods from the Old World, F. W.:1 pon’? KNOW WHO SHE IS, BUT HEI , EI

this receptacle for kitchen refuss
will harmonize with mv Early Colo

Choice of Desserts
nial backyard.

7 ‘ . s . “dd t } i mz «| ‘ Se j nrne lve
GARBAGE CAN SALESMAN Oh, vou ( EMME 2 cussed pi , wiya, M i¢ ; tha papuzzZ, 1) y ine! S
want a garbage can! minur awgone Yuh, cussed SC7 Nemmine tha cussed .
Ap. Man: Ina word. ves Onness, Mae. my feeta sa tied | SCZ I'll hava cho KI itmoker,
Cee ‘ 1 drop, I onnessly could Sa dog's - nnn she gimme a Oia al
’ life, issure is...1 tole im ta gimm« But onnessly he hant otta bes
, three cuss¢ d annee semmee up on dun m Yi ssum we Vv
Sportsman’s Luck | ! sae.
cussed an two crambry mrangs; on ippul, = minss ppercut, chock
\t NT CLAIRE: Well. Helen, ] nesta Gawd. he’s tha dummess thing moker, crambrv mrang and cussed
4 see you ve landed a man at last .He’s sa dumm he otta be deffar Heman Fay, Jr.
AMATEUR FISHERMAN’s DAUGHTER: bline I tole im three cussed

Yes, Auntie, but you ought to see the

Annye hadda woman jussa lil while
ones that got away

ago that wanned cussed, annve sezz
‘I’m sorry, but I aigottenny,’ I sezz
SN I got appul, minss, appercut, chock
lutmoker, and crambry mrang, |
sezz, bushee sezz, “Welliss very fun

nv, illa other countersa got cussed
annye sezz, ‘“Yessiss funny, I
tole tha boy I wanned three
cussed,’ I sezz, ‘annee brommee on & &

{

cussed and two crambry mrangs,

SCZZ.

affer I tole im three cussed,
I sezz anshee sezz, ‘Welles
muss be stoopid,’ she SCZZ ie rt ]

annye S€ZZ. ‘Stoopid aina
wuyd,’ I sezz. ‘Heza dummess e
thing,’ I sezz. ‘He’s sa dumm
he otta be deffan bline,’ I sexz
Laff?...Onnessly, Mae, |
thawshee wuzz gonna fall offa : -

“WHAT'S THE TROUBLE, SANDY?” tha stool! She sezz, ‘“Thass

rHE MECHANISM FAILED TO WORK offal funny,’ she sezz Sa Teacher: AND Now,
\ND I'M LEAVING MY NAME AND AD dumm he otta be deffan blin«
DRESS SO THEY CAN RETURN THE she sezz, anonness, va shoulda Johnny SS\VY? RSSAY? OM, VES, MA’AM
coin.” seena laft! Yorta rvefa SEX

TOHNNY CAN yo

rr ME WHAT AN ESSAY IS

PPRAI

ides |
lithe Ps

. ms ame

The Gay Nineties
THE HEYDAY OF THE CURE-ALL MEDICINE MAN WHOSE CONCOCTION WAS GUARANTEED
To “FATTEN THE BABIES, BEAUTIFY THE LADIES AND MAKE THE MEN GROW TALL.”

A Complete Sell-Out
OR the fifty-sixth time the visiting Englishman was
invited to a luncheon club

his chair “\\ hoop ! W hoopec ! Yeow Y He seized his

head in both hands and spun around like a top.

The first speaker got up and said: “Gentlemen, we “What on earth’s the matter?” asked the astonished
must sell our geographical location to the outside in- Rotarians.
vestor.’ ‘““All I’ve heard since I’ve been over here is. ‘Sell, sell,

The second spe aker got up and said: “We must sell sell.’

My word! Don't you ever buy anything?”
our sunshine

Then the Rotarians, perceiving what was wrong with
the poor man, gently led him away, and he was locked
up in a quiet, cool room with padded walls.

The third speaker said: ““We must sell our pure water

ind milk supply

he fourth speaker said: “We must sell our schools Paul Cook
and churche S

The fifth speaker said: ‘“‘We must sell ourselves. The She Would Be
United States has been sold to the world. It’s now up ARKER: Who is that stunningly dressed lady?
to Chiggersville to sell herself to the United States.” Benper: The fine-looking brunette? Oh, she’s

“Whoopee!” shouted the visitor, leaping wildly from the wife of that worried-looking little man.

Advice to About 20,000,000
Lovesick Maidens
yo to whom his protestations,
Though the y are devotional,
Seem, well, rather grote sque rations,
Lacking the emotional
Element you think you're needing,

Listen to this simple pleading:
} | ~

rhink of him as one who'd nearly
Die for you ecst itically ;

One who loves you quite sincerely
But not cinematically ;

Then, unless you're off your filbert,

Marry him and not John Gilbert

( arroll ( arroll.

System
HEAR they collected five thou-
sand in the charity drive.”
“Yes, but the superintendent of
the charity bureau gets three
thousand a year, the assistant fifteen

indred, office supplies and bills for

vast supplies, together with ex-

penses of the drive, amount to four AN EMBARRASSING MOMENT—THE ELEPHANT WHO FORGOT
hundred—so only a hundred dollars
is left.” A Business Man Views a Football Game
“What are they going to do with Yy! AH, great crowd Must be erage f say henna.
that?” more than a hundred thousand Over three hundred t sand dollars
Start another drive.” people here...Let’s see, at an av- And it sell seid ch te put an
yg ( ' '
lon’t ha r t Big
chance for the | to Heard of
I wil g » t i-d
veck offer Ho W ler
rgan g N
ich over! ] . ‘
nothir nd ‘ ‘ ‘
Runs like ckworl Must |}
taker t of conferences Mak
lling stat \, '
roads Wi! {
pend fifty d
ne million d
Wonderf ry |
g bye ' ly ; {
siness W t? Ss
tg low! ()
] s DeA
Weather Report

, da

RB Chere were eignt 5 !
ser s motor accidents mn Sur

weee— Dus: My! What a beautif
Ume. Thérése ( proprie tor of Thérése, Inc., Gowns): You WILL REMEMBER t must have beer
THAT THE EXCLUSIVE NATURE OF OUR CLIENTELE DICTATES THAT YOU SHALI
WEAR THE FORMAL MORNING COAT WHEN ON DUTY. M a joke writer part
The New Clerk: yes, MADAME, AND WILL THE FIRM FURNISH THE CUSTOMARY Oh, I see; you write the Ford

BOUTONNIERE, OR MUST I BUY MY OWN GARDENIAS? jokes

GERT?”
ALND ED

“STEPPIN OUT TO-NIGHT,

YES ro A CONCERT. MI

DIE ARE GOIN’ TO STAND IN FRONT O}

rHE ELITE RADIO SHOPPI AND LIs

TEN TO BEN BERNIE’S ORCHESTRA

BROADCAST DINNER MUSIC

“Mes Th eps Diary

influx of letters

first

Another
by the
pr rsons

attribute in

October
12th
that I did
to Jl
should have been credited to Lyci-
that I am glad than
ever of the slip of the pen where-

post from

eager to tell me

my journal

Pense roso something which

das, sO more
from so many have derived satisfac

tion, to say nought of my own
pleasure in marking, amongst a na
tion which supports the Pelman
method and sings “It Made You
Happy When You Made Me Cry,
such a goodly number of citizens
Only one

communication in an evil spirit, too,

who are Milton-conscious

ind that the only one without a sig
The mail at this
season is truly and I
fatuousness oft

nature. circular
astonishing,
am amazed at the
merchants who put any trust in it
soever, my own custom being to toss
most of it unopened into the waste
basket with a silent prayer that I be
not casting aside inquiries from the
a hitherto
unheard-of uncle in New Zealand or
Australia. In_ this

should set that
laundries are far

solicitors of the estate of

connection |
down the appeals
superior in
to those of the

Avenue, some

from
style and substance

merchants on Fifth

conveying such a subtle desperation
at some

to do our linen that I am

shall

WwW hich

them, but I
establishment

pains to resist
never quit the
we patronize at present so long as it
Sam's shirt

continues to put under

bosoms the kind of boards which are
indispensable to me in piecing to
gether jigsaw puzzles. To luncheon
at a publick with Margot Wiltshire.
and she did drive me near to distrac-
tion by conversing glib-
ly on abstract subjects
whilst we were en route,
find
cannot be so
“Yea,

when I am

for I do that my
discourse
much as yea’ or

“Nay, nay”

Borgia: THAT’S GENUINE PRE-WAR STUFF.

Victim: WHADDAYAMEAN?
““1’M TALKING ABOUT THE NEXT WAR.”

crossing a street or disembarking
from a

seated at table and our order placed,

motor, but once we were

I did find her diverting enough, and

apropos of the literary criticism which

she does write for various journals,
she confided that she would leave D.
H. Lawrence, Anderson,
James Cabell and such to those re-
viewers who could understand them,
but that when Mary Roberts Rin
hart made a hero out of a cowboy and

Sherwood

deliberately gave him a gold tooth
in the midst of the action, she knew

it was time for her to step right in.

October The telephone a-ringing
13th early, Marge Boothby :

heseeching me to go out
with her to look for a chauffeur who
Seventh Day Adventist, she
having more need of her car on Sun-
day than Saturday, and, greatly to
my amazement, we did find, at the
bureau to which she had been di
rected, a likely fellow who said that
his religion was a great convenience
had free
on Saturday, when more life is stir

Is a

to him, since he liefer be

ring, than on the Sabbath, and he

did mind me of the girl in “Th
Return of the Native’ who did never
enjoy leisure unless other people

were working. Thence to the shops,
to search out material for a teagown,
and greatly depressed because the

only stuff (Please turn to page 38)

—D

THE LABEL sAys 1926!

Love Sonnets of a Lap Dog

'M sorry, Love, I bring so small a bone
To put here as a tribute

by that

it your feet.

Iwas buried collie down the

street:
| marked the spot and dug it up, alone.

He might have fought me for it, had he
known,
But thought of you made e’en that

danger sweet
You'll note it still retains a shred of meat
Which I had thought of keeping for my own

My daily meals are cereal and cream
Which have ind tend to make

no bone Ss.

me fat.
Often and often do I lie and dream
That I have snatched a drumstick from

the

My heart is in this gift, though it may seem

cat.

So small a bone,

that.

and slightly soiled, at
Burges Johnson.

The Wise Guy

‘ HE Tunney fight? That bout wasn’t

a surprise to me. Not at all. W hy, ]
cked Tunney to win three weeks befor
Dempsey never had a_ look-in |
hances and tipped off my friends Phe

‘I ilden?
Bill's that he he

(nvhow, I doped it out several days in

the match.

a friend of knew

ld the crowd to bet on the Frenchman
when General Motors hit the ceiling a

Sure, |
i SUPprise
lot of jack lor my
isk

ind

of I saw that coming too was

It wasn't to me

{ that pool.
Yeh. I've

to time.

made

The \ alw avs
and
Say,

The
the

- iit
bout fights contests
irket. time |
youd be
n cleaning up a few extra dollars on
t Yeh? I'll
tf Oh, that’s
just

any get 1

hunch would you interested
be glad to tip you
all By the
as a favor, could you let
have five until Saturday,
when I expect to clean up on
certain railroad stock that’s
good for twenty points? It
n't often I ask anybody [
it I had two grand on a

right.

vaV,

irse out at Belmont vester- |

iv and the plug hasn't J N 4
me in yet.” | Y
irthur L. Lippmann. | ;

Off with the Old

HIS is your new father,

dear.”

But, mummy, had
irdly used the last one!”

e the

an ily zed the

cleaned

id ince

lew

on the

friends

‘
SHE

fiasco

bovs

was going to lose

ind

Ine mie r

months

inside

trom

up
Well. I got it direct from a friend

Channel Cheating

WAS ASSISTED BY THE BOAT WHICH ACCOMPANIE!I HER.”
An Original Scenario Still Unsold
Sune psis

TH! last pe riod Fortv-eight seconds t play
[he score tied [he home team's | I}
cheering sectior ells for a touchdow The « apt
of the team and here the day is t ry the ba
Che ball is sn pped | hero clut it He ru
He dodges...He avoids tackler He slips
He gains his teet He straight-arms an opponent
He reverses his field He is tackled .He is throw:
lor a twenty-vard loss Not o1 ly that. he drops
the ball 4 member of the other team scoops
up and races six feet for a touchdown.. .The
whistle blows The ga er ly
there’s no girl in the stands to pro iny )
nterest!
B Sykes.
~~ More Than
i So Brotherly Love
‘ Rg } TOWHERE is the spirit
‘ 4 4 of good will and im
I plicit faith so strong as it
\ 5 } is in Chicago In no other
es city do the people so rever
—_——— ently keep their faith alive
ind hold each other up.

FS anges inding uy l1dress
) Ries" freshmer And now. are
A Vay
™ the ré ny que stions
I SWEAR I'LL LOVE You ALWays! Voici Yes. Who's the

She .

1toOW

MONOTONOUS! best bootlegger in town?

NNV 197

eR
AS

NOVEMBER 3,

VOL. 90. 2348

“While there is Life there’s Hope”

Published by

PUBLISHING COMPANY

598 Madison Avenue, New York

CrHarirs Dana Grnson, President

R. E. Suerwoop, Editor
F, D. Casey, Art Editor

: 1 HE pa
ding dong, etc. see
=” vote so

] segzee Pe |
share of

sensational

their most

Cols picuous
news ot one
another, that the
portant concerns of life are

space s to

sort and more im-
always
in danger ot escaping public notice
There was the fight of Ruth Elder
and her man; something only impor

sensation: a
undertaken
there

tant as a
parently

what was in it
for the tabloids and the headliners.
Of course it was a daring adventure,

Hight ap
primarily for
tor notoriety _

and it was a relief that Miss Elder
was not drowned, but there was a
taint about it, as there was in the

recent prizefight, of over-attention to
advertisement and through advertise-
Whether it

promoted by agencies who wanted to

ment to business. was
sell papers or pictures on it does not
appear, but since the Hall-Mills trial

all great sensational proceedings are

under suspicion. The great charm
ibout Lindbergh was that he was so

entirely free from that taint.
It is
the organized agitation of the con-

worth considering how far
temporary mind can proceed without
upsetting it to a greater degree than
life can afford. It
will be recalled that about a dozen
people who had bad hearts died of
the ‘Tunney-Dempsey

contemporary

fight as re-
produced by radio. That is not in
but it is interest-
about the

physical effects of organized sensa-

itself so very scary,
ing for what it shows
tion on sensitive people. An enormous
industry sustains itself nowadays by

No doubt

agitating the human mind

Cram Maxwe.t., Vice-President
L.ANGHORNE Gipson, Secretary and Treasurer

that needs to be done, but there are
limits to the extent to which it can
be don profitably. One of the
forms of it is the big electric. alter
that
succession of pictures or of invita
Whether

ire licensed or not is not

worst

nating-current signs make a

tions to buy. such signs
within our
knowledge, but they ought to be un-
that

they seem to be unwholesome, licenses

der much restraint, and when

should be denied them. The privilege
of driving people crazy by noises or
by violent and ceaseless assaults on
does not seem to be a

their vision

necessary detail of human liberty.

HE Bishop of London, talking
the other day to the
Legionaries, protested against teach-
ing American children to hate Great
Britain. He had

going on and he objected to it very

American

heard of it as

strenuously.

In so far as it exists of course it is
objectionable. It seems to exist in
Chicago by instigation of that droll
campaigner, Mayor Thompson, and
that is probably what the Bishop has
heard of. But that is not a very
can pretty
left to be handled by
and ridicule. Certainly
there is a movement in this country

important and
safely be

publicity

case,

to promote amity between the people
of the United States and the people
Britain that far

of Great exceeds

any power and activity of any
other movement of the sort. The
British have not fully reinstated

affections of the
Irish or of the Germans, two people 3

themselves in the

with

clashes.

whom they have had recent
Some of the Yankees stil
hate them moderately but not near]

sO large a proportion of the mas d
so sixty years ago. Language, litera
ture, law, commerce and religion
operate to keep Great
the United States in the
of the international boat

The Bishop of London need n

Britain and

same sectio

worry. Organized and = advertis
effort to make the British and th
Americans love one another may sti:

up so much suspicion as to fail of it
end. Possibly as good a w iv is to |

Nature take its course, but any how

Uncle Sam and Mr. Bull are n
going to fall out. Fer one thing
neither of them can afford to. Onl,

polities of the most absurd and ras
cally sort finds a profit in playing

Anti-English,

THE RE seems to be proceeding ir

the Gulf States a really energeti
With = the
waning of the Ku Klux the tloggers

anti-flogger campaign.
have lost authority
can no. longer bully and terrorize th
communities they live in. Witnesses
dare to tell on them and juries to
convict them, so their nasty brutali

and apparentl)

ties of being cleaned
up.

They represent one of the baser

seem by way

and more forms of the
propensity ‘4 these
States at this time, to shape one's

repulsive
widespread — in

neighbor’s life according to one’s own
That is one of the

Constitutional

sense of fitness.
things that
ment is intended to prevent, but Bill

Govern

of Rights go for nothing unless there

is courage and strength enough it
the populations the \ affect to enforce
them.

such courage seems to be deve loping

In various parts of this land

TEWSPAPER

been discussing what has in
creased Mr. Pulitzer
thinks it is the human interest stories
that have made families take in mor
papers than they used to. Maybe so

publishe rs” hav
-

their sales.

but families also may have taken i
more papers in hopes of finding on
that did not spread its human inter
est stories all over its front page

hk. SNS. Martin

er Chicago ¢ Op: WHAT VE YOU GOT IN THAT CAR?
Gangster: NOTHIN’ BUT BOOZE, OFFICER

( op i BEG YOUR PARDON 1 THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE HISTORY BOOKS

Lif

—

‘\

We IF

Life

do you want to join our team? We could use a good, fast quarterback.”

2 Lis
LZ 1 e
7 we
Ap
or EF
tia ASS a a? 4
More or Less Serious Hidden. / um—Tt The Spider. Mu S
The Arabian. Flt Ww W u bs ae tay . _The = of Mary Dugan. \
I re le wr at The House of Women. f ; “ =
The Belt Pi righ : ‘ ( -~ an head t ca F
Women Go On Forever r? M
If. Li t eas doayys .
Civic Repertory. F a E Le ¢ ‘I Abraham’s B ;
n raham’s Bosom. ”
Good Hoy ’ é Comedy and Things pied That
Dracula. / Interference
‘ ‘ q Abie’ s irish Rose. Re put "
, ; Jacob Slovak. A» r—] Ruben ir by anoth PI ,
An Enemy of the People. Han i ‘ ; J , oe
; oS And So to Bed. Comed Sar
I | The Letter Vf a ( 1 ~~ rh oes wed next h
Escape. / By (¢ at Ma The Baby Cyclone. Henr Miller (
t ‘ Mitcl n a farce reorge M. Col
Four Walls lohn ( n—A d Porgy. Gu G t i our fa
‘ tt juct ft Broadway. Sr ur ki
Phe cast eg!
putenyee. i i
50 Hal Ske B k
* The Command to Love. l re
Ma lash and Basi R
Her First Affaire. M
The way Door. ( hur H -
The Mulberry Bush. Repu
The 19th Hole. I
Pickwick. Ne \ a
The Road to Rome. hou :
howing how R , ' }
nave e! aved vag ed W
The Shannons. Martin Be S
Gleason and Lucille Web:
The Springboard. Ma» A
comedy) with Madge Ke S
Blackmer
The yy ms of the Shrew. Garrick
Ant +} 9 M
Weather Clear, Track ‘Fast. Hudson
viewed next week.

Eye and Ear Entertainment

ABes- eae I
Ma

have bee "

trl Carroll—Ce«
f
thar
tha
1

Chauve- ‘Souris. Ce
“The Five Girl.
Re

“Follies of 1927. \ 1

re Cloc k

Good ean. !
= the Deck. Be The fact that 7

just Sane. Cast
Manhattan Mary.
W

}

The Merry Malones.
( in per I 4

_ The
“My

Mikado. R
~d re
Maryland.

Jol

Shubert
I
Wint

My Princess.
iR W x
A Night in 1 Spain.

Wit
Ge
ie, Rood a

. Mario
ee my of New York.

nd 7
Ani
Lie
whi
er fur

‘Yes, Yes, Yvette.

/-—Still

fe |

Rio Rita.
ght in t
t Whe

€

alter Catlett

mh tne ¢

Off-Stage

LION

with Famous Vaudevillians ‘H. Harri

Herbe

Sam

a with

Pik PAMER PUTS THE CAT OD

ian

Washed with Hyssop

FEW months ago,

this column in which we

in our youth, we wrote a piece in

é wondered why it is that
town’s wise-crackers and
wits write a show it turns out to be no better than the
Now know. We have
musical comedy ourself.

No one is going to believe this, but

also wrote

whenever one or two of the

average. been working on a
at that time we
a paragraph, which had to be cut out on
wondered if per
haps it might not be that somebody s idea of “what the
do with it. We
now give a million dollars, or at any rate ten dollars, if
we had kept that paragraph in.

account of lack of space, in which we

public wants’ had something to would

tee

— wrot BEY

show from the

AFTER seeing our own front. we
S have decided that, from now on, this department
must of necessity be very, very lenient with all other
musicals. There can be no more of this sitting

b iCh

with a snooty sneer ind saving, “Conventional musica
comedy,” or, “The cast did as well as they could with th
Bolton, Otto Harbach and

become our heroes and we her

material at hand Guy
Harold Atteridge

by apologize to them for any little nasty digs we may

have
have taken at them in the past. Practically any musical
show is going to get a great break in these columns from
now on. Any line, no matter how old, which gets a
laugh is going to send us into a paroxysm of huzzas
If the throwing of the first stone was made contingent
on the presence of a spectator without sin, then readers
of this page will have to wait until the Holland Vehicular
utter the

est Word of disparagement against any show listed under

lunnel has crumbled to dust before we slight

In fact, we may give up
One can get just so self

“Eye and Ear Entertainment
reviewing plays altogether.
must retire

yey

and then one

Q)X® of ag

ence as a librettist is that funny lines are

CONSCIOUS

? Cm |

h ive

things we found out in our experi

so scarce

in musical shows because funny lines are very hard to

write. This is so simple that wr never thought ot it
before And, if you can’t think of a funny line, you
have to get a line that isn’t so funny he actors have

We should pe rhaps like to argue

vot to say some thing
that last point
took up

seen in town

In this frame of mind, it might be well if we

some of the other musical shows we have

~ 7, ~ 7 = A = i
, FGAINRS

.
«
since our Great Chastening Practicall) very one
them looked great While the mood s, here goes
ms > a
(=¢ > ah ae Oi
NE of the biggest success: s beer The Five
O'Clock Girl The very t that it 1s }j
the Forty-Fourth Street Theatre ery night is, ac
cording to our present standards, ¢ y t stily t
being acclaimed herewith In tl ia we mig
have beet ist " bit bored at “'l Five OF
Girl” but » “ the sight i i
ing their hands it Niaz taton Osi Shaw
lau ng heart it | s Jol Bart d Shaw
Lee arouses the greatest rever rG B
ind Fred Thompson, to say tl y Bert Ka r
Harry Ruby. They tell us t Five O'
Girl” does between £40.00 1 #4 yn week
\ great show Don’t miss
rr
CLELS LELLL
Fg aie - marvelous entertain: oe ll
New rk wl ich Is doing uy
Knickerbocker Hitherto we | he r lulg
with Mr. Eddie Dowling’s oper tting
were tor the great American wu vt
trifle banal, shall we sayl Banal me ‘ Ir to g
in and see whether “Sidewalks of New York’’ is na
When we saw little Ray Dooley, as th pathet la IY
worker in “Hop-o’-My -Thumb” of Maud Ad
orv, and realized that she stood fair W S
the man she loved, we cried ba And w
Dale and Smith came on and talked Jewish, wit
of sure-fire gags that we'd | v t t
life to have written, we screamed wit! ghites \
1: matter of fact, we have alwa scl i with laught
at Dale and Smith. We 5 t! for ourself
e 3 vi eg rr ,
im wy
— a te, —f es
VW! can not close this n ww survey of tl si
comedy field in New York wit! word of prals
for Mr Joseph Santley s Jus ka v. il which he
himself and Ivy Sawyer, together wit Raymond Hit
cock and Eric Blore ke up ar together chart
evening. We | 1 f y t we had
been in this Panis Te! we si a liked \I
Santlev's show ln r present st we Ie wit!
ple isure in conte! plat m of it
And now ll that we I t t think
funny gags tor r own show j bh

Lie
WW, Mii 4),

| | at ‘
iy Hp tt a “I

ti
‘hy ly,

44,

The Aésthetic Dancers Go ‘‘ Back to the Farm’”’

How to Get a Ticket for the
Big Game f

] EMAND ticket from Athletic Association on ground
you are great friend of the president .
Demand ticket from president on ground your contri
bution to Retirement Fund would have already reached
him except for fact you were waiting until able to send
louble reque sted amount
Demand ticket from football « iptain on ground you
ure professional football promoter
Demand ticket from football coach on ground you are
one of alumni who favor giving him ten year contract.

Buy ticket from spe ulator Cie ae

And the Jury Voted Not Guilty!
TILL you have some more meat, Mr. Zipser?”
“No, thank you
“Oh, do have just a little bit mor
No, thanks It’s delicious. But I really couldn’t.”
Oh, now, Mr. Zipser. You had such a small helping.
You must have just a bit more

“No. Really It's awfully good But I couldn't.”

See. This nice, tender, brown little slice

Please. No. I've eaten so much and

Didn't you like the meat?

Yes! Oh. my, ves! But I had rather a late lunch

ind
‘Oh, come on, Mr. Zipser. Just another small piece
“No. Really I couldn't I really mustn't.”

Please do have just a little bit—it’s good V4
for you.” / A
I know, but really | ay ff

Here's a nice rare piece I'm sure you 1] é J
like .
No, really, I couldn't eat another mouthful

“Of course you can—Jjust one. Pass your plate.” The Tactful Tailor: a poirect rim \N’, Y'KNOW, I
No. Really FUNNY THING, MR. BECKER—OUR CUTTER LOST TH
but if vou’'ll be MEASUREMENTS WE MADE OF YOU, 5 Ek CUT THIS
so kind as to pass FROM GENE TUNNEY S MEASUREMENTS THAT HE GOT OU
me that carving OF THE NEWSPAPER

Knife, I'll

Io rtecr - ,
Robert Lord. Perfect Harmony

7 ESPIT} the prevailing pinion that we g
An 7 people ire seldom u itrimonially successful I
: » have never regretted my choic: I conti | rg
Enthusiast wife to make me her confidant nd aide nd to b
TORTH: Is ae 1 4 to me for inspiration In the little disputes that befa
- Webster a a every couple I have cheerfully borne the eaviest
wet? ; +. den of blame, and not one serious quart is
West: Why, he , : ‘ marred our conjugal happiness never
not only wants | tempted to shirk a task or take advantag
the Eighteenth A j privilege to rule In the twenty vears we have appear |
\(mendment re . ’ = | before the public don't omit tl point r t
pealed, but he - view ple ise she has know) for her ost
wants the repr al / supporter ind generous critic That's r coming dow!
made retroactive ! as — the stairs now—come right in. dear. | . sur
\ introducing mv wife billed in all tl better vaude
a TERE you =— ville houses - Miss Cloud Dever woman champ
personally Fiisenea. 27 weight-lifter and spike-driver of the world
conducted on He: MAY 1 HAVE THE NEXT DANCE? Harry Eps
vour tour?’ She: BuT 1 DON’T KNOW you.
‘Yes, my wift Hle: THEN MAYBE WE HAD BETTER OLICEMAN: How did the accident happen
went along.” SIT ONE OUT FIRST. Mororist: My wife fell asleep in the back seat,

26 Life

To Her Lover In the Right Spirit
Who Writes Her Poetry “King Albert of the | Rot
PARDON, pray, Sweet William, Scene: A Rotary Club Lunch Well, well. Alw LVS wanted to meet
m\ ‘y R. TWOOL (entering suddenly 1 guy in the king game Must be
Mi ntioning such a touchy sub 4 with the King of Belgium): interesting. How's business?
Ject, but there's no use de ny Boys—meet Al ’ ALBERT (mod
Ing that you deserve my rub bert, Rex estly): Well, |
Bing it in about your vers Tue Boys (in got . pretty
Es which you, alas, contin- chorus good order last
Ue to pen despite my curs How d'ye_ do, week from th
Ing you out because you thin Albert Rex, Em pe FOr ot
K that I'll be simply flat how d'ye do; Japan. What
Tered by this peculiar froz How diye do, was it now
En pretentious sort of chat Albert Rex, the Order of the
Ter. hy don’t you write in prose / how d ve do; Impe rial Rice
onest F Seon How dye Cakes” with
do, Al be rt Crosse d ( he rry
. Rex, Blossoms.
All Over the Country Don t take SMEEDY ° | lr
“y! S,” said the Young Man any rub- They all help
“T’ve traveled over fifty thou berchecks, Say—lI see they
sand miles and have never seen thi How d'ye do, got a five-vear
ocean.” Albert Rex, old kid at the
My goodne ss!" exclaimed th how do ve do head of the firn
Fat Drummer. “Is it possible? \ Mr. SMEED\ in Rumania
“Yes. I'm a Notre Dame foot comingu P Gantry: pID You ENJOY EUROPE? That's a hot one
ball player.” Sit down here, Babbitt: no. soME OF THOSE CON Twoo! You
Mr. Rex. Glad FOUNDED FOREIGNERS HAD THE NERV! said it I'd like
to meet you. ro SAY “IF | DIDN’T LIKE THEIR CouN- [to see a_ five
Smeedy's my gry wuy pipn’r 1 Go Back wuHere Year-old kid run
name. Shellac. CAME FROM.” my business
x T woo! Al is Why, 1 five year
in the king game, himself. Hey, Al? id kid can’t even play a decent
SMEEDY The king game, eh? game of golf
SMEEDY Well, he isn’t exactly

rm, running things, is he? I figure,

e now, a king is sort of like a bank
Vice preside nt. these days i sort

of a doo-dab on the letter head no
offense to you, Al You probably
make a pretty good thing out of it.
don't vou:

AvpBertT: I make out. That is, |
make out

Twoo.: Still, it’s a comic thing
ibout that five vear-old kid in Ru

mania. Sort of like having Jackie
Coogan on your board of directors
SMEEDY: Say—that isn’t a bad

hunch, J. D Mind if I use it

Twoot: Go ahead, D. J Cant
see how you are going to tie up
Jackie Coogan with shellac

SMeEEDY: That's up to my exect

tives Tie anything up with shella
if vou have good executives You

got good executives, Rex?

AtspertT: Best in the world. You
know my business is very peculiar
Very individual Fact is, we're all

just like one great big happy family

: Pp 7 N . po Sa . : >
Him: No, 'M NEVER GOING TO MARRY UNTIL THE PERFECT WOMAN IS MADE. Smeepy: That’s the stuff Pro

Her: OH, MR. MARCHBANKS, THIS IS SO SUDDEN! mote good (Please turn to page 39

}

essentials have been done awa

Get these thrills

——OOK around you! Pictures

| everywhere. Trag
Dail. ,
eau.’ .
The Drama of Lif How
‘ — i ! 1
7 closely t C sa tus
EEE : a
oo rea And now so easy
preserve. For today, by just press the
of a marvel Ss ¢ i \ ca
e life as itis na to repro
e whenever and wl ry please
The rhythmic act of your children
Ly . the fun and thrills of your out
rtrip... the dramatic second when
| games are won or lost are
v easily registered for all time on a
strip of film, to flash into light and
again in the quiet of your darkened
The Magic ef the Silver Scr
e-
Pai ti i 7}. ‘ } re t
i u havent made at \ ve
ed one of the biggest thrills ; ¢
|
s so simple now, anyone can do it with

assurance of professional results
Into the marvelous Cin

lak camera weighing only
unds, Eastman Scientists

e concentrated every vital
cessity of Home Movie
luction

What a triumph in sim
! No need to focus
) tripod No grinding
+ 1 }
ink. Everything is th

ICity

hat you need... the n

Just sight the camera, either from waist
height or ey ¢ level

Then just press the button 4 shut
ter whirls inside, and the film slides

’
n the s "
ry cha s
ht 1 <} - .
at ‘ 4

\ n d N
tr f N
} ‘ fus Wet ;
J I fl I > A » extra

1 return t »

Then with al ¢ } f
si Ow \ ur K

tor a j if tl S< I

e with ac cr i <
see the pict y "ve Dra
dy ure... ron t
people you k wand « 1¥
parade bef rey ir¢eyves "\
oflightand shadow \ f n
They are as easy as that to!
For the day of the 1 sport, t

Ciné-Kodak

Simplest of All

Drama... Adventure...
Romance...

‘in Home Movies that you make

yourself

nr x \
C
s
;
né-K
ft) ci4
(
“ f
T (
‘
ia a ‘
k
‘
“ “

< hy
Les:
fe
\ )
tf 4

* . A
Mo hh
“The Magic Flame’”’

HE strangely ill-assorted team of

Ronald Colman and Vilma Bank,

has had its ups and downs (ct
‘The Dark Angel” and “The Night
of Love’’); their latest, “The Magic
Flame,” may be listed among the
ups.

It is one of those pleasantly pre
posterous romances of a mythical
kingdom, with a dual role thrown

in to make things more complicated

There is a lecherous prince and a

noble circus clown, both of whom are
in love with a fair trapeze performer,
and both of whom, by the oddest_co-
incidence, look exactly like Ronald
Colman.

Thus, Mr. Colman is called upon
to be but the
of his two réles don’t seem to bother
him much. Miss Banky,
hand, is called
own sweet self

which is competently fulfilled

} ENRY KING an ex-

cellent job with the direction of
‘The Magic Flame
ture color, depth
It is the

very versatile, demands
on the other
to be her

assignment

upon only

an easy

has done
giving the pic
imaginative
of that

and

beauty. type story

Jolson

hit

and the
The
but that de-
the general ex-

The Jazz Singer.
Vitaphone score a sul
picture itself
hicienc is overlo«

citement.

Three’s a Crowd.

comedy which is far

isnt so much

Iked j

\ Harry Langdon

more a matter of
tears than of laughs.
The Woman on Trial. Pola Negri

on the rampage in a courtroom melo-
drama.
The Drop Kick. Another football
victory in the last reel, but a far from
a
Me A
. :

re quire S
ment
a bit

ang

avy

Life

lightness ot

1if Mr.

touch

» & > TheSILENT DRAMA

is because

—

— ih

Pa
»

‘*
“wy \

_—

=
—

in treat
King is occasionally

handed, it

Ethel: WHAT POSITION DO YOU PLAY
ON THE TEAM?
Disqusted Sub: ou, 1M JUST ONE OF
rit VICE-PRESIDENTS
Recent Developments

though Richard Barthelmess

thrilling one,
tries hard.

Carmen. Dolores Del Rio and Vic-
tor McLaglen in a terribly strenuous and
excessively amorous retelling of the cele-
brated story.

Soft Cushions. Wisecracks in old
Bagdad, with Douglas MacLean pranc-
ing about and Sue Carol looking very
alluring

The Cat and the Canary. Laura
La Plante in an effective spine-chiller.

Hula. There are many things that

— eae
é .

Sie tard f,

has tried to stress the
it the
tial comedy.

g) mourous To

mance expense of the poten

In other words, Mr. King has es
sayed to make “The Magic Flame
a good box-office picture . which it

undoubtedly

“We're All Gamblers”

‘THE breaks seem to be against

Thomas Meighan. In “We’ All
Gamblers,” ill the elements
good picture,

he h is

that make for a includ

director (James Cruze

that

ing a fine

and a story is rich in dramati

material.

Nevertheless. ““We're All

Gam

blers’’ manages to be about as incon
sequential an offering as the season
has vet yielded. It seems ineredi
ble that Cruze and Meighan b
tween them could have countenanced,
let alone participated in, such a
thoroughly illogical, inconsistent and
puny effort as this

The title, by the way, has nothing
to do with the story and, if you
take my advice, you'll have nothing
to do with it either

R. E. Sherwood.

Clara Bow does well but dancing th
Hula is not one !

Old San umaloce. Dolores Cos-
tello in a melodramatic mess

Service for Ladies. A gay, flip
pant, well-bred comedy, in which Adolph
Menjou is superb

Sunrise, The Student Prince,
Wings, The Garden of Allah, Sev-

enth Heaven, The King of Kings,
What Price Glory, The Way of All
Flesh, The Patent Leather Kid and

Underworld are all good — especially
Sunrise.

/ T is deeply gratity-

/ ing to the Fisher

Body ¢ orporation

{ J that Bodies by
\ Fj -_

isher and Fisher-
Fleetwood play a major part in the brilliant suc-

ess of the New Cadillac.—Presenting a radical
}

' he n - .
icsign, the new Cars are u

mistakably the most luxurious and distinguished

leparture from past «

r created for the fine car owners of America
~The bodies of the New Cadillac cars are the
lest creations of master custom body artisans.
But Fisher resources and manufacturing efficiency
nable Cadillac to present them without the
isual price-penalty—a fact which contri
making the New Cadillac incomparably the

rreatest investment value in the fine car field.

AT THE CUSTOM BODY SALONS

here will be presented at the Custom Body Salons latest body

ati and | I Cadillac and

a Sal to 7 a mb j

h of c " if P 9
tt I u c1 1 of «

bed a bea and < bro ( at

Nature's St hich w be gladly t to you

jucst New York, H 1¢ re. N ber

to December 3, 1927; Chicago, H D Janua 8 to

ary 4; Los A s, Hotel B ll to 18

San Francisco, Hotel Pala Fet y 25 to March 3, 1928

Body by FISHER

Our Foolish.

Life

\ Contemporaries

Another Linguist

My friends looked at me pityingly as
Hung Woo, the Chinese produce mer
chant, asked my order in his native
tongue, but with an inscrutable Near-
East-Side smile I shamed them when
I calmly said:

“"Lo, John, me likee sloup veg’ble,
clabbage, plawsly, cellaly, tlamotto, pla-
totto, sling bean, sklosh, klon, ladish,
cluclumba and slawbelly.”

V. 4. P., in New York Sun

“ Aut Scissors aut Nullus”’

The Nile Tabloid
\nt the notoriety that Cleopatra got
Was a two-stick story with X marks the

spot.
lragically she moaned with her dying
gasp,
“I'd have made front page if I'd bit that
asp!”
Stux,. in New York World
We Thought It Killed,
*Twenty years Ta Tr was a tre
ente f gambling-dens and sq lered a
te s ‘ | brf
‘ | t |
y ca I lper
We tt, he ought to know all there is to
know about it.—Humorist (London)
Because a girl refused to marry him
a man in Essex has stayed at home for
fifty vears;: but we've known a man to
do that just because the girl did marry
him.—Punch.

WAITER

rut ABSE NT- MINDED

Seen on the Highway

It was a little Ford car, and it was
full of children, and it bore this sign
on the stern: “Packed in tin and always

fresh.”"—Argus (Seattle)

f-\F

Srories about movie people getting / ; ] 3
married should end with a comma or B*
Arkansas Gazette. AND
Imrration is also the flattest form of On the Road
sincerity.— Detroit News. “I~ my younger days,” the old actor
; said, “I traveled from
. 4 one end of the coun
Cae trv to the other.”
Jon “Well, well,” the
young actor replied,
“just think of that

And there were no rub

ber heels in those days,

unagatown

either.” Ve
Telegram

MOTHER MAKES THE FAUX PAS OF

DAUGHTER WHAT HER FRIENDS WILI

—Ladies’

rimMt

ASKING
BRING HER HOME

HER YOUNG

riit

ome Journal

COMBINING

Pelican

THE BEST FEATURES BOT II

California

No Shock

wife she is going to leave

“My

me.”

SaVvs

“Distressing !”
“At least,
gently. She
nights a week in the last month.”

the

home

news

three

she has broken

hasn't been

Washington Star

One of the famous Sitwells wrote
book on “All Summer in a Day,” in
spite of the fact that he had never spent
a single afternoon at Coney Island

Baltimore Sun
on “a —
2
eae
-_—_ /--.,

9
eV
<7

YHE ABSENT-MINDED CUSTOMER
Buen Humor (Madrid).

ICEMAN’S ELOPEMENT.

Siindaqsnisse-Strix (Stockholm)

Viewed in Perspective Price
Stanpino transfixed, a man watched Expansivety Mr. Elmer Davis, the
intently the antics of two tiny toy wres- write entered » te the other d
tlers which a street fakir was operating and =picking uy I 10
by means of a black thread in a door- from a é I
way. on the fivl H er ed the
“Come on!” his wife exclaimed. ileslady d ked the
“Didn't you ever see those things be- “That i two-do d the
fore?” lesl
“Wait a minute, Mary,” the man re- Oo two dolla t he thor’s
plied. “They look to me just exactly iutog »} it " he author
the way Tunney ind De mpsey did from \! damaged ¢ the clerk.
where I sat in my six-dollar seat.” That will be fty
—Youngstown Tele gram. Ve kei
Cutting In Ww °
Tue effect of the movies on church- ‘ a 4
going is shown in this Sunday morning
conversation: Precautionary
Mornuer: Hurry dressing, Ethel, dear. Since reading that a yvoung Southerne1
Services start at eight sharp. knocked a man down on Sx | (v-
Ernet (age eight): 1 can’t hurry, enue the other day because he didn’t lik
Mother. Let’s go to a temple that is Mrs. Jones (to husband who has his looks e have decided to have our
continuous.—Chicago Daily News. ventured to assert himself): Now face boarded up for the
GEORGE, UNDERSTAND ONCI AND New } k » Post
\ Burotar recently broke into a sub- FOR ALL——JUST BECAUSE YOU VE BEEN
urban bungalow and shaved himself with ON A TEN-DAYS’ TOUR IN ITALY, Fortunes of War in China
the householder’s safety-razor. The own- DON’T GET THE IDEA YOU'RE A SEC- [Tur widow of Chinese general has
er has informed the police that the crime OND MUSSOLINI! me married another Chinese general. Or-
was committed with a blunt instrument. London Opinion, dinarily, it the Chinese generals who
Humorist (London). change sides De tf Ne
I is | ed « y 7 sin ane in the 1 St I fore trade ‘ H
( B ( B } sessions Title reg ere i I S I I { \
Pate Office " € Ad ]1 postage t f N ( I 8 S (
: I I to a, So ce Bach
ers . I ’ or
nation a Rae Bintid ’
reat Brita apf to | , Rol House, Breas Building Fetter \ 2 ’ Y
, London, E. (¢ j and tot date of 1 e¢ to be

| Bagoage loss doesnt
= ) financial loss

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in

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Hosiery (Wear Underwear

Munsingwear union suits, because of the correct manner in which they
are designed, the satisfactory way in which they fit and cover the
figure and the unusual service and comfort they give the wearer, are
for sale by one or more of the leading merchants in practically every

trading center of importance in the United States.

Munsingwear hosiery like Munsingwear underwear is
a quality product made for every member of the
family. If you want the utmost in underwear and
hosiery value, ask for Munsingwear.

Munsingwear Quality Assures Comfort and Service

THE MUNSINGWEAR CORPORATION

MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA

Oh, Henry!

\ perpLexine phenomenon is noted in slips up to the library and draws these
Baltimore, where at the public library books out himself. It is recalled that his
branch nearest the home of H ] hero and model, Nietzsche, was in private
Mencken, editor and critic, the greatest life peculiarly mild and gentle And
demand is for books on raising canaries! while urging homo boobiens to a diet of

Such ji fame, such is influence! \ literary raw-meat, most likely this ter-
man send his voice thundering to the ror of Hollin Street in the secrecy of
farthest corners of the land in praise his den pores over endless volumes on
of Lewi . Cabell and Nietzsche, and right how to make the wee birdies sing.
in his own precinct people re reading Elmer C. Adams, in Detroit News.
how to mix bird seed and when to hang
the cage in a sunny window. It would A Good Trick If He Does It
be easy to understand if the man had Ye Chastes Velsk, a8
ever written a critical boost for canary ct { the
raising, but a hoy ful search of all the k . ’ a...

f periodicals shows he has not c t me

No doubt the explanation is_ that ArMLess though he, etc

Mencken pastes on a_ false mustache, —New Yorker.

Busy Days in Hollywood
(Special Dispatch to Lirt

] OLLYWOOD, Calif—Super
Sappy Features, Inc., will start

work next week on “The Moriaritys

and the Finkleheimers.

At the Blotz All-Star Studios
work of titling ““TheO’ Hannigans and
the Horkowitzes”’ is being rushed

Actual filming of “The Fla
nigans and the Feigelbaums” ha
been completed by Bigger and Bet
ter Films.

A cast is being assembled at th
Blatz Studios for “The O'Rourke
ind the Rosenheime rs

Nanook of the North” will be r
issued soon. A slight change is be

ing made in the plot, and the new

edition will be titled: “Izzy’s Eskim«
\MIama Chet Johnson

NeiGuBpor: Now, hat I'm tellin’ ver
Mrs. Horan, is no gossip, becau-e ever
body's talking about

-MO-LAY-
For SHAVING
WITHOUT

BRUSH OR LATHER

Just Try This

Wash your face to re-
move dust and dirt, apply
MOLLE with finger tips,
shave once-over and then
dry your face.

It’s a revelation in quick,
easy shaving with perfect
face comfort. One tube
will convince you.

Life
UTOMATIC

lights at the me
a trigger

T IS not recorded how Sitting

Bull lit his pipe. But the absence
of matches and uncertainty of light-
e in his time would indicate that
this champion old rester either had
o break training or sit close to
the fire.

What brings up the subject is
that bridge tables le se nights some
times look like an Indian camp-
burned and smouldering matc h
sticks cluttering every ash tray.

4
Tt
L
+

Theres a new Douglass now—the

Silhouette model. It is thin
The present praiseworthy dislike for jaturally so. for with Douglass
such sights has sent people hunting _ straight line construction no work
dependable lighter. And finding ing part was reduced to make this
it, too, in the Douglass. mode slender It fits your vest
The Douglass is not only depend. ° soar Pome - ; A eT wee
ible but entirely automatic. Press “" © ”
the trigger —there’s your light! Press the trigger—there’s your light

One displays a Douglass, there
fore, with an air of assurance, makes
it an accessory as important as a
watch (or a compact

Charming leathers, glowing
metals encase Douglasses in many
varied styles. Standard models are
priced from $5 upward, while Sil
houette Douglasses range from $10
to $1000. You'll find one immensely
pleasing to your pride and purse at

some well placed jeweler’s or to- {@P 93. ie Douplass Lighter Ph
bacconist S. ao] |. Ask to see the new windshield attachment
A ut for Douglass Lighters; #’s a wonder /

The Douglass Ligh ler

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Full text of "Life 1927-11-03: Vol 90 Iss 2348"

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